On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't shave. On purpose
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Someone came in the potted fern
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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