it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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