I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
