when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
