Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
