I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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