the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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