I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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