the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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