Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
