I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
