a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
