your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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