im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
