maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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