So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
