an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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