I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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