you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
