god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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