i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
