Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
