those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
