...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
