obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
