I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
