remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
