ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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