woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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