Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
