I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
