I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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