Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
