Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
