I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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