and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
