Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
