I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
