nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
