Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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