You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
