How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
