Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
