Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
