omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
