toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
