his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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