If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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