I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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