i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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