wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
