You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
