his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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