i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
