i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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