Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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