it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
